Addiction
John Ingemann
Issue date: 1/27/10 Section: Opinion
Okay, I'm back. I know I threatened to leave last semester, but I'll admit I have an attachment to this quaint little paper. It's lots of work and I don't get paid, but…hmmm? Anyways before I change my mind I'd like to discuss the shocking events of my life over break. So if you're prego or elderly or suffer from nuclear radiation, you've been warned.
I've always been a Nintendo fan. I love Italian Plumbers, Turtles and Mushrooms…the legal kind, but not many of my friends share this love so I figured it was time to upgrade. I asked for an Xbox for X-mas and my P-rents got me one. Thanks Mom and Dad for raising me to be an intelligent young man but then give me the tool to destroy all that I've become. I also got Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, so what I really got for Christmas was a distraction, sleep deprivation machine, and 12 pounds of fat consisting mainly of Kettle Cooked Potato Chips and Sunkist. I'm so sexy.
Now I'll admit I've had my video game obsessions over the years, such as when I got my N64 with Super Mario 64 or my Gameboy and wanted to catch all 150 Pokemon, but something was different this time. The Xbox's glowing green ring called to me like a Siren from ancient history. It sang to me, "John, come play…it'll only be a few minutes, don't worry you won't stay up too late. Call of Duty is all you need…" And for some reason it was always Shakira's voice…I still don't know what that means.
This singing continued throughout Christmas break as I advanced in rank, slowly discovering new weapons and attachments for my guns. I found myself skipping meals on occasion, staying up much too late and practically throwing toilet paper at the dog like a flash grenade.
My symptoms grew worse when I attended "COD" nights with my friends. We'd all get together and play online Call of Duty together. At first I was terrible, but slowly I grew stronger and stronger until I finally was powerful enough to actually help win some games. But with great power comes great responsibility… and soon enough I had to come home, go to bed and remove wallpaper for my parents the next day. By the sun I was John, average college student, but by night I was InFi Big Daddy, destroyer of bombs and bringer of Death (virtually of course…mwhahaha).
I've always been a Nintendo fan. I love Italian Plumbers, Turtles and Mushrooms…the legal kind, but not many of my friends share this love so I figured it was time to upgrade. I asked for an Xbox for X-mas and my P-rents got me one. Thanks Mom and Dad for raising me to be an intelligent young man but then give me the tool to destroy all that I've become. I also got Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, so what I really got for Christmas was a distraction, sleep deprivation machine, and 12 pounds of fat consisting mainly of Kettle Cooked Potato Chips and Sunkist. I'm so sexy.
Now I'll admit I've had my video game obsessions over the years, such as when I got my N64 with Super Mario 64 or my Gameboy and wanted to catch all 150 Pokemon, but something was different this time. The Xbox's glowing green ring called to me like a Siren from ancient history. It sang to me, "John, come play…it'll only be a few minutes, don't worry you won't stay up too late. Call of Duty is all you need…" And for some reason it was always Shakira's voice…I still don't know what that means.
This singing continued throughout Christmas break as I advanced in rank, slowly discovering new weapons and attachments for my guns. I found myself skipping meals on occasion, staying up much too late and practically throwing toilet paper at the dog like a flash grenade.
My symptoms grew worse when I attended "COD" nights with my friends. We'd all get together and play online Call of Duty together. At first I was terrible, but slowly I grew stronger and stronger until I finally was powerful enough to actually help win some games. But with great power comes great responsibility… and soon enough I had to come home, go to bed and remove wallpaper for my parents the next day. By the sun I was John, average college student, but by night I was InFi Big Daddy, destroyer of bombs and bringer of Death (virtually of course…mwhahaha).
Be the first to comment on this story